Unhealthy Relationships
Everyone deserves to feel safe in a relationship. If you are experiencing emotional, verbal, or physical abuse in your relationship, it is not your fault. In unhealthy relationships, one partner will try to exert control and power over the other physically, sexually, and/or emotionally. Here are some signs of unhealthy relationships and how to get help:
- Lying
- Cheating
- Jealousy
- Lack of Trust
- Unhappiness
- Poor communication
- Controlling behavior (tracking where you are, checking your phone or email without consent, keeping you away from loved ones, telling you what you can and can’t do, etc.)
- Putting you down, calling you names, or belittling you
- Threats
- Explosive temper
- Blaming you for their abusive behavior
- Physical harm
- Pressuring or forcing you to have sex
- “Gaslighting” you (making you question things you know are true)
- Stalking
- Pressuring your reproductive decisions (pressure to get pregnant, end a pregnancy, lie about birth control, etc)
Remember: no relationship is perfect and people make mistakes, but if you feel like you are being treated badly, you probably are. Listen to your instincts. Healthy relationships make you feel good about yourself – unhealthy relationships don’t.
How do I get help?
Some aspects of unhealthy relationships (e.g. communication issues) can be changed. First, both partners have to decide that they are willing to participate to make the relationship work. If one person refuses to work on an unhealthy behavior, the relationship may not be savable. Couples should work on establishing healthy connections with each other by sharing emotional needs, recognizing and avoiding unhealthy patterns, offer emotional support, actively listen, and avoid emotional manipulation. Sometimes, couples therapy can assist with individual and mutual issues that exist in relationships.
If you are in an abusive relationship, know you are not alone and that you deserve better. If your partner hurts you in any way, remember: nothing you said or did justifies their behavior. Everyone gets mad sometimes, but talking things through is the way to deal with problems – not hurting you or putting you down
When you break up with an abusive partner, it’s important to have a safety plan if you’re afraid they might hurt you or other loved ones. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) to get support and advice. If you feel like you’re in immediate danger, get away from your partner and call 911.
Living in or leaving an unhealthy relationship can have a negative impact on your mental health. Seeking the help of a mental health professional is normal and can help you make decisions about your relationship or heal from the traumatic impact of past unhealthy relationships.